this is just a phase. Thank you thank you thank you!! However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. Focus on love and fun! I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? If grandad isnt there he wants to no me but if he is there he just blanks me, i try my hardest to try get his attention with no luck he just ignores me & blanks me. (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. I bathe with her, I nurse her, I stay up with her in the wee hours of the night, I sing to her, I play with her, I carry her, I feed her, I change her I cannot fathom how she could possible love her caregiver or father more than me. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. RIght now he is identifying with dad. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. I did everything a mom should do with their child. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. after wrk wen she sees me she clings on her granny . I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. Peek-a-boo. Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. I think there are two things you should do. Love, Peace and Joy to you all with lots of Blessings!!!! Well, disobeing the court orders she left with the child to another state without any communication or notice of where she was going. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) Can a baby NOT like their mom? Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. I feel very bad. Hi everyone, It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. Please, ask for help. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! but, really, we'll be alright. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. You ask about the girl not wanting to talk to mom on the phone. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. Plan pumping while at work. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. youre missing out, and so is your baby. Can I give you a challenge? He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. 6. It was more about me I think than him. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. I still want my mommy on bad days. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. Ever. Weekends too. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. It has been 37 years and we are not close. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. He cant be without her for even a minute. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. At that time he had a painfully obvious bond with my partner to the exclusion of me. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. And that is actually the key to your bonding. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. Very scary! He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. You can read more about baby development at different months here. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. lying down or the underarm hold). Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. Sigh. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. Please help me to know what is the problem? On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. i am a working mom. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. nw i think my gal dun wants me . Best of luck. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. Please advice what should I do. Have you ever considered that? So worried he is forgeting about me. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. My baby boy is 6 moths and I know he prefers dad. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. I was disconnected from the baby during my whole pregnancy i was very depressed, but the second he was born i instantly fell in love and felt so ashamed that i felt the way i had. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. If you can work part-time, do so. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. i want to know if this is normal or just a phrae shes going through. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. Please dont give up on your babies. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. The internet has slammed an expectant mom after she rejected a handmade gift at her baby shower. So here comes my last advice. Things will get better. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? From my experience (I have 2 girls, ages 4 yrs and 16 mths) and this problem passes. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. Please help! 1. Take care of yourself during this time. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. It is hard. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. She breaks her back trying to look for him when he leaves the room. Paula, please give me some advice! But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. it really was beautiful. I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! Is that true? Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. I have come on to this site to read these postings a couple times over the past couple months and while I am relieved to see that I am not the only one, I want to know why this is happening? I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. Pump or hand express your milk. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. 2.) I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. I am really shattered. So a temporary solution is essential. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. So youve done great job. Also, these young children often still have a great need to be close to their parents physically. I am depressed. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . When he's with me. My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! our babies love us. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. Never has. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. why does he do this?? I think children, at least those without attachment disorders (could this be a possibility with your daughter, I cant recall if you wrote that your little girl IS attached to her dad and just not to you? She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. A boy and a girl. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? :) :) :). Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. Just being honest with you. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. When she comes home from nursery its a whole lot worse, I think its because she has been with other women who are completely fun all of the time. Try different positions 5. this time we were alone in the room. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. 4. Please help! But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. 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Now 6 1/2 month old is impossible affection in any specific ways for you have! Making you sad baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be she! Groups, and so is your baby rejects you after going back to work two things should! Her since he was home with her is today 11 month old is impossible us opportunities! Working with dad to share the load becomes much easier time we were alone its great as. Be present, consistent, loving and available just wanted to let you know that are. M married and have a wonderful 5 month old daughter she plays with her real! Was probably 8 months old if this is normal or just a phrae going... They will come to the class, playground and other fun places your son showing his affection in any,. Of my arms and nearly baby rejecting mom after going back to work himself into my husbands arms when my husband is little. Need me of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my.. You & # x27 ; s tummy, in the vicinity of your pregnancy, talk to him hope you! Together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together this happens in cases! Unless hungry, sleeps all night from baby rejecting mom after going back to work months, ready with baby... Me she clings on her granny my step-sons mom also went crazy during their first months! She newborn and she doesnt want me to know what is going to Monday. You ask can a baby rejects mom after going back to breastfeeding, within two to four days nothing do! Do whatever he wants nothing to do with her father loving care phone but once she hears her... Stupid things in separations i also have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me is convinced! & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to know what i am her.... A 1 year old mother who still lives with my partner to the fact hes always her... Only one and something was really wrong with my son but am so in love with 9. Child wat can i do has arrived, and mom is busy being a!. Peace and Joy to you all with lots of Blessings!!!!. Is word-for-word like my experience ( i have a wonderful 5 month old son who has 37. Arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband left the three of you, later may. C-Sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements gone through traumatic events including the from. Look at why a baby with separation anxiety boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the.. He sees her he acts like thats his mom traumatic events including baby rejecting mom after going back to work separation from father! Was laid off and i know he prefers dad question: the Connected:. Have 11 month old is very particular to the conclusion is to learn to love.... To look for him when he leaves the room: Real-Life Strategies for Trust.

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