You made my night truly, I dont even know how I came across this lolbut im here and im reading this thread and I want you to know that you are so wonderfully kind. There is a referral in place for alcohol dependency counselling, and we will do some relationship counselling also but I guess my question is, is there any point? As you can note from my two previous comments, cheating comes from very deep emotional issues such as a belief that good things dont come your way in life in general, or a terrible fear of intimacy. I got pregnant again in September and lost that on in November:(! She only come for money briefly and rushed out. Life can be excruciating and thats part of the human experience. We want to be with each other and fall back in love but we dont know how. She texts me still everyday. i never had the courage to tell him because i thought somewhere that this will hurt him a lot . I was there for him through everything. I have been with out my youngest daughter for 4 years and now my husband say he doesnt love me anymore He felt out of love with me , but is hard for me to accept that i can imagine the life with out them , I feel angry use and betrayed by him but i love him. over this course she has been a stay at home mom.. She has a mother and grandma that lives about 8 hours. One year down the line.. he started liking his job, he settled in finally.. but the attitude towards me did not change. I recently lost everything. Often, the challenge isn't finding love, but daring to face one's own defenses and let love. Next point, you are very young. Will I ever be able to get over this and look at him with the same eyes I used to? It takes too much work for someone to bear alone and do it with their own willpower. he said that he was starting to feel stressed because he might lose his job, i told him not to worry and i will always be there for him. can you love someone again after hating them5 letter words from license April 28, 2022 / colorado rockies 1993 / in curb link chain silver / by / colorado rockies 1993 / in curb link chain silver / by (And thats no fault of yours.) Enjoy an aquarium I dont trust my own judgement anymore. But we been talking and he told me he got some back and he felt better about things. Hi Dr Deb. I felt I could trust her enough to give her the chance to show me if this was going to be different. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. My girlfriend and I recently broke up after a 3 month relationship in which there was at least one other break up. Cheating, lying, hiding, ect!! Thank u for the advice . First, you say you are now in love with someone and realize it (someone youve hurt before). Thats comes to another issue I have with our relationship while l every time I need him to be there for me emotionally he manages to bail on me or argue with me because I come off as being mad to him. But even ignoring a spouse when he or she is talking is betrayal. Let me answer another question you dont ask: How could he have grown to not like ME? He made ME feel like the person who did something wrong. What can I do to leave the past in the past? At first I dismissed this saying No you have to go if you cant love me but then I got to thinking maybe this is an opportunity to show him I realize my weaknesses and that I realize I caused him to loose his since of self and rebuild things between us. Now has started dating and she even went as far as to tell another she wanted to have sex nothing else. Im losing his love. She does not want to fix it. I keep them written in my heart, and two who were so much more are forever to have touched my soul. I low key want to move on, away from him. Hi DrDeb, He almost broke up with me but decided to forgive me. He said that he couldnt go a day without hearing her voice & it seems as though it never mattered as to what they talked about .. he just had to hear her. I choose to love myself and to aim for my own happiness. I dont know what to do possibly lose someone who could be great or lose the person Ive loved for years That I dont trust because of everything that happened. I fear that well be several days without talking because he doesnt have this need to talk that I do and also maybe he feels that if he contacts me hes giving me a hope that hes not sure of. I also try to reduce communication with her. why didnt you kick him out Meg? Then texts 20mins later saying she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. i have no friends to speak of or family i can go to, and as i said i dont work either. I met this man early 2012 we were staying in the same complex things started all as a joke ad time went on I was advise that he was married I asked him he refused and as time went on I literally believed him as he will stays here in Pretoria but his family is from Mpumalanga. If you think you are basically a lovable person, it can. Hes been having family issues, car issues, and money issues. I have a whole lot more to say but Ill just leave here for the today. Alone. So, Dr. Deb can you please help and give me advice please. One thing she did mention was that she has been having panic attacks one that bad she had to get a work friend to drive her home. It hurts like hell, I doubt I will love like that again. Simply walking off into the sunrise & never turning back. We had a lot of fun and great moments spent together. While Im doing my best to have hope for us repairing the damage I caused, Im lost on what to do when we do talk again. It wasnt until this month that I realized I had lost him. Under the stress, I threatened our relationship multiple times, and once, I actually left. I ask her if she is seeing anyone and she says no but i dont believe she is honest. We have more information about domestic violence at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Hes learned to control him just a bit now but theres times where its redundant and I cant deal with it. Were in a long distance relationship and for the past year, Ive been treating him like a dog. How can I make him forgive me for what I did and how can I make him,fall for me again :( HELP ASAP ;(. I feel the worst for hurting him like I have. In the past 7 months I have had two miscarriages due to birth control failing, the first one I didnt know about until after the fact and the second one I found out and stopped taking my birth control, just to see if it would matter even though I pretty much knew it wouldnt and may have said I wished it was just overwith, moreso meaning if nature was going to take its course then I would rather it be sooner than later, since he has wanted to really try for a baby and I dont really want to which makes him mad. If I truly begin to love myself and become a caring and devoted man to her, and tell her again how sorry I am about the way I carelessly handled our love? Im going through something like this with my boyfriend. I was going to end the relationship but he opened up to me and admitted he had a problem. it was good. I agree and accept. Her so much I cant take another. I have been married for 10 years, i say I because i was technically the only one who acted as if i was married. How do i approach him regarding this situation? Before that, I had told her my ex contacted me and I was transparent about the details of our conversation. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 and years now. I think its possible fall in and out of love, unfortunately for me I am the one who keeps messing up indifferent ways. Well after our split I took it very hard and did soul searching and trying to figure out why I couldnt get rid of the anger and what felt like a demon that lived in my head even though I had told her several times I would change and I honestly wanted to,but couldnt. We inspired eachother in our creative endeavors. Yet my husband chose to leave all decisions regarding our daughters education up to me. But somehow I felt relieved that he did it so I didnt have to. We were mostly content with the relationship. Ive already lost a lot this year and life is too short to go through all of this. My spouse is trying to be patient, but I still dont think he really gets the emotional toll his affair had on me, even though it was several years ago. "Clean and lose" is bad, but not terrible." For sure though, do not start a new relationship when youre in an old one. After talking it through a lot, I decided to give it a second go. But do I stay or do I go? Anyway, new computer, so hopefully, Im good to check in here every so often. We start dating and everything is absolutely perfect, we were perfect. Perhaps she is just immature or selfish? I know I have to move on though. Two years ago he left got counseling and blocked everything so he could focus n himself. she said I LOVE YOU, BUT I JUST DONT TRUST YOU. Entering the 3rd month I have been a lot better and basically focusing on restoring normality and also putting my new positive life skills to work. Im lost, hurt, and I want him in my life because he is my person. All I want now is to hate him. I felt like i fell out of love with her when I read that. Hi Teri For me saying those few words I am in love with you might have changed everything. I made a very unhealthy environment for anyone to be around me and I kick my self today for having make the mistakes that I did. Is It normal to put up barriers to feel nothing and to cut people out of your life? My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Just in June we were looking at engagment rings. When we moved out to the new area she shut me out completely. So we bounced around a little after until we managed to find our own apartment. Im going to take a wild guess (since I dont know you) that you dont really love this guy. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. 5: Another idea among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to do something that will make her laugh When she tells me to leave her alone, does that mean she hates me and going to leave? This person left me scared for her life in the person I turned out to be. how to get him back again ? Since we have a newborn and are both pretty occupied our arguments are left unfinished. Those feelings for someone else dont just come from nothing. 3. I know my decision should be based on him as stats show that will complications like this its destined for doom. So whats falling out of love? We keep going back and forth about my actions last summer and how he doesnt believe I am being fully honest. I know I have to be strong and not breakdown but am wondering if it normally takes 2 years or even longer? Hi millie my name is sherrel, I am in the same situation as you are in. Think about the people you deal with and how straight w them you are. That is, when nature takes its course and the excitement of first love changes to the more natural state of normal closeness and bonding? I know one thing for sure love never fails. what should i do. Indeed, instead of contributing her opinion on the issues she said my baby father is outside to pick my up. But during the time I dated my ex. I can have a very bad attitude at times when Im hurt and disappointed and unfortunately there is or has never been any true remorse or apology for the abuse and violence. I have admitted my mistakes and apologize profusely. Unfortunately with social media, hes brought it to a whole new level. The only things I can offer are apologize, asking for forgiveness, and asking for a chance to show the best of me instead of my worst. ( I think he got tired of her neediness) she then was in a 2 year relationship with a man that was 15 years older. We are still in contact, but its been over a week and Im trying so hard. But she wont accept my forgiveness. We never did anything before getting married ( we were forced to get married because we got knocked up) we were not ready to get married. well, I did X, why didnt he do Y? You and your partner have a strong, committed relationship. I want to rip the pain away. And i said thank you so much for everything. It appears that he says he wants to try, but he isnt really even trying. Hello Dr. Deb My boyfriend who I was with for 2 years distanced himself from me. Ive been selfish and a taker and I understand that I caused much of this. The next several years were disastrous, now that Im really looking back on them, he was little help with our first child, he always disrespected me in front of people, talked down to me, my requests didnt matter, and he had a terrible temper, he would break things and put holes in walls, but at least he never put his hands on me. Please give me some advice. (Red flag 2) her next relationship was even worse. This broke me. And it kept bothering me every day. He had an abusive disjointed childhood, witnessed domestic violence and was loved by only one parent. Okay, they are a 3rd party problem but has he became complacent in being single because he has some newer friends now and refers to a 48 yr old man as his BFF, weird to me but whatever & I also told him that I wanted to pay his parents back the 17,000 & he asked whyI told him that ithe was because I thought it was the right thing to do but it is because I am going to prove to them that I did not marry their son for money. Yet we do not have to listen to The Persuaders' soulful vocals to know that love and hate can coexist. She calmly responded that Yes she knows; theyre very close friends. And he wants to know why and how things would be different now. To be clear, there is no particular woman he is seeing, more so texting random women who come on to him to fill a void and prove a point but thats as far as its gone. But she has to want it too. The second I come home, Im just not happy. But I do not want him to touch me period. so too continue my girlfreind is a stay at home mom who has no close friends where we live and is not going to school or work. His/her awakening to the fact that you have been deeply wounded in the relationship, and that you need to heal, will dawn on him/her slowly. can you please give me some constructive advice on how to rekindle his interest and increase trust in the relationship. I think that was wrong. A no-pressure approach is the opposite of the needy approach and in and of itself is respect-worthy, therefore attractive. I assumed it meant sex so i blew him off. I made the biggest mistake of my life by cheating on my spouse. Hi John Next, it is not your job to make him happy. His comment reads gotta go listen to my sidechickthat I like. But I am focusing on you because you are the one that asked. It was not. What IS appealing is a person who thinks well of herself. Hi Dr. Deb I have seen brief conversation on fb saying that shes not in good terms with her baby father. I cannot see a life without her and I will give everything to right my wrongs just to have her with me again. I was insecure and controlling and he was quiet and becoming more and more depressed because he didnt find a good job. And I then I end up on the couch for days at a time. He says it is not because of a nother woman but I cant imagine why he would feel the need to move out after two weeks of living together again. Before I lose him. I found him flirting (which he doesnt do on his main account cos I complained), commenting on girls pictures, about how big their boobs were. She began borrowing money from me almost weekly for work expenses. She tells me herself. I went on a blind date. It had been over for 3 years. We had words and that was 4 months ago. How long were yall together? This carried on for around 6 months, until the silly arguments got too much for him and he walked away. In turn, your spouse will be able to talk about his/her dawning awareness of his/her past selfishness and hurtfulness and any regrets felt over them. Of course, I dont want him to stay out of duty, but I dont understand how were not even part of his choices. I grew up as an orphan. I want to, and soon! Hes even came home with a hair on his privates and make multiple excuses. They had small heart break, but I was not for them. He left again the following week and we didnt talk again. There is usually soft music playing in libraries which creates an aura of calmness and means that you can actually hear each other speaking without raising your voices. He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. But I didnt tell him that. I dont want to be that nasty person I was before, I want to help myself because I said to her Im not walking into her life like I was before. I broke down and told her that I was tired of blaming everyone and everything on my behavior. Why did he do what he did? I been down this road before with my first marriage. Shes very ungrateful in our last meetings. We still live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and we still have sex. My husband walked back to his side of the car, got in & we drove away. Treats me well, treats my son very well unfortunately does not treat himself well. You could be questioning your feelings because maybe deep down you dont think you deserve something good in your life. But lets suppose Im right: You fantasize how life would be with this guy. They had sex twice. I dont know if my feelings can ever come back for him. I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost 8 years and almost 6 years of being married. ( I asked about every detail) I dont know if its my mistake for wanting to know everything they did and how they did it but I see it in my head, constantly. Hi Carmen, She didnt seem to care, said no she wasnt taking me, and just seemed angry and detached. Although being a part the past couple of days Im not feeling the love I had for him before, I feel its fading and even though I know I want him in my life I cant fight the urge that I think Im slowly losing feelings but I dont want to let him go. I was distant, angry, i ignored her i actively pushed her away and made her feel irrelevant for 12 years off and on. He says he just isnt in love with me anymore and that he wants to be alone. No physical affair happened, but he told me he had a strong connection to her like he never felt with me. She feels justified yelling at me or verbally belittling me every day, and I have to stay quiet and just take it and prove Im worthy of being treated with respect. He firmly believed that I went to volunteer in a different country to find someone else and leave him. That is NOT the real person. I get so frustrated when he cries and says he needs to feel love from me because I understand that he means it, but I kind of feel like well, you had that already and it didnt bloody do you any good. Im trying to get the feelings back? Now, the first time I trust him again he breaks boundaries I had thought I set (yes she can please you, does not mean yay sexy free for all). He included her more & more into our lives; helping her whenever possible; wanting her presence in our family gatherings. I told him I didnt want him talking to her and he stopped. If all this is too confusing, then please consider therapy with a sensitive and aware therapist. I told her that it wasnt that I couldnt live without here, it was that I wanted to share my life with her. I am very worried that this whole thing happened for some unforeseen reason and we arent meant to be together in the end, but I truly love her am willing to try and fail to get her back many times to know that I have tried everything I could. Thank you for your response. But I had left town. Its just the knowing he doesnt really like them as much that was making me feel guilty. Being around them is oftentimes unbearable because our love for them is so strong yet we can't express them. Give yourself time to work through your grief. 3 years later Ive kept it to myself and never told him. He claims until this day that she is just a friend who was there to visit his mother because she took care of her as child. What has been missing in your relationship that got your husband looking the other way? However I am a cheater. My ex got mixed up with prescription drugs. We love each other very much but he says he doesnt know if he wants to be with me because when Im upset I threaten to leave and it hurts him for me to use that against him. All of the above matters. She said she almost left, I mentioned that she has to stop reacting like that, because I too had wanted to hug her, just in more private setting than in line at Starbucks, I explained I wanted it to be a longer deep hug. We made appointment to go lay week Friday but instead she came to my house on Tuesday same week. I just cant trust him fully I always feel hell do something to me again. One day I was at work and he got angry not because if me, but he wanted to take it on me on the phone. I email her from where I was and tell her I was taking time to reflect on my behavior and how I could better react next time. I got pregnant and we had our son three months ago. My husband and I have been together for 12yrs married for 5 of those. You dont need that. 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