Now is not the time to wait for one to reveal itself- you probably know exactly what it is, and that surely not that thought probably suffocating you right now as you read this is the one you need to act on right now. (I made brave choices while crying in the corner of a kitchen floor; it didnt paint a sexy portrait of bravery.) It doesnt have to impress anyone elsewhich I wrestle with. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. Without it, as Scripture says, we die out. *Content warning: fraud, emotional abuse, sexual coercion. He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. I definitely was emotional and thankful, but they still talk about the grand scale of his reaction and how uncomfortable it made everyone. Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts! Ill never forget a time in San Francisco when he purposefully drove his truck out of the way through a flooded corner, sending a massive wall of water straight up into the air that came crashing down on a crowd of people waiting to cross the street. But she is, self admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family. I must have looked nuts, laughing and assuring him Id never been better while he tilted his head and looked at me, asking if I was ok. I gave up rights to my story when I gave it to Him. The Bouge family narrowly escaped the Jonestown massacre November 18, 1978. (Including but doubtfully limited to: texting me as 2 friends (a married couple with kids) that hed completely fabricated since week 2, and seeing other women at the same time via different dating apps than hed said hed been on when we met. I cleared up their confusion while distinctly noticing awkward tension and his lack of comment. Pretty dang quickly. Christian friends, were not being spoon-fed anymore. 2. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. He was extremely generous with his resources and compliments. He doesnt want a casual connection- He wants our fire, our very worst AND best. It was a scary piece for me. Its the only explanation, and the overarching joy in my freedom is a testimony to what He wants for all of us in a world full of stories like mine. There was a particularly dramatic night where he was driving up for the weekend, and my roommate and I were in my car on our way back home to meet him with movie night snacks. Responded as if I could do no wrong because he was in awe of everything. Anyone who knows me well knows that I play devils advocate for just about anyone. Since I was still healing and my sense of self-worth was mid-restoration, I couldnt feel a proper anger over what someone had done or tried to do to me. The Something Was Wrong podcast meetup/live recording last week and although we had no idea what to expect, it was incredible. Even the sister does. It scared me numerous times. It preys on their loves, their treasured secrets, by celebrating them. This is not a place to promote your podcast. For those wondering and asking, I truly am doing well! It makes me cringe. Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram @SpaceandPurpose Check out Sara's Blog spaceandpurpose.com Something Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Sara's story How will we live? I am a multi-disciplinary maker of beautifully useful things that enrich lives. When it was clear we were spiraling out of control, in His consistency God abided by His own rules and sent someone without sin to shed blood for us, so we wouldnt have to keep sacrificing flawless animals the Old Testament way to approach Him. Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited and produced by Tiffany Reese. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. When Sara got engaged, she thought that she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. Hope: the day light broke through the trees and warmth poured in. Often times, this season of transition and healing can feel like punishment for doing the right thing. Not just for us, but for those that hear our testimonies, I think it looks like freedom. She was about to marry a dude that duped her into becoming friends with people that he created out of thin air, and unprovoked kicked and injured a dog. Aside from writing, music, Frenchie videos and seeing the world, I also love learning about how to care for my health naturally. Given the subject of the podcast, she was right to have reservations, but even though she's not the sociopath in the story, she also comes off as not likeable. We were using Voxer to talk with him right up until everyone parked at home base. I love scenes in movies that enter the main characters point of view and suddenly that church choir is looking directly at them, pigeoned there in the pews, belting WRITE THE THIIIIIIINGS! I just listened and I want to know too. *Content warning: emotional, sexual and physical violence, child . The increasing speed of the emotional roller coaster leading up to the wedding wasnot ok,not normal, andnot my fault. I said when can we start?! Charts. Beautiful day. (I thank God for my lil bubble community all the time, by the way.). . Omg how did you find that?!?! The loosey-goosey-ness has been humbling and revealing. We need people and things that are rays of hope in our lives. Not everyone fit this mold, but highschool me received it this way.) (@SpaceandPurpose) Later on behind closed doors (especially sitting in the car while waiting for people to cross the street), and eventually in public places like coffee shops and grocery stores, he would refer to people as fat, ugly, or worthless. I have a feeling she's had to be the family empath, which made it a natural role with the narcissist fiance. Im sorry, podcast listeners: It was in that same Blue Bottle on a Thursday afternoon that I saw one of the letters Bryan and Kimmy sent me on his laptop screen. For various reasons, we often try to convince ourselves that we deserve less than our dreams. It seeks out keys to their carefully guarded hearts, then handles them with great care until theyre granted full access. I dont want to get in the way of anything. I begged him to stay. Tee is happy to help out her close friend and coworker, Slyvia, when she becomes sick. Something Was Wrong with Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) EPISODE 83 Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts. A cornered narcissist will spin you up in so many words that youll forget the origin of the conversation, forget your own point, and somehow end up at fault for something you still dont understand. Its not gonna just go away. Itll never fit. In a healthy relationship, how does a typical child run to their dad? As all of this was hot and fresh, my godmother sat me down and formally requested that I read a book called Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge. This episode comes out for free on Thursday December 22nd 2022. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something w Listen Later. Use the prompts, write for 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on your book. In careers, romantic relationships, etc, we might settle for something a step above or similar to what we knew before, because at least its not as bad. Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. Its not gonna just go away.). What a messy time to be alive.). He actually laughed, shaking his head! There used to be a grating feeling in my gut that I was destined to attend womens luncheons and exchange flower pots until a young single pastor arrived and gave me my purpose. What if exposure isnt such a bad thing? My experience just has a little Dateline flair. Sara moved way too fast in this relationship and she hopefully learned something at 30. r/podcasts: a subreddit to discover, discuss, and review podcasts with other podcast enthusiasts. This is my favorite podcast. Like Sara, my multigenerational family is critical and sheltered me. Real-Time. One of the things I value most is treasuring the personal information of my friends. May 1, 2021 3:47pm. Better to go unnoticed than not measure up. It was healing, though, to go back to the beginning and understand how I could have fallen for such an insidious trap. Tee gets a call from Jason that changes her forever. I grabbed the bags from the car, crossed the parking lot to greet him while my roommate continued on into the house, and when I saw his posture I paused. Same to you, other quiet ones. No backhanded comments or sarcasm. As part of this mission, r/podcasts is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions. I remember early on in our relationship, he handed $20 to a homeless person we walked by and later told me he kept 20 dollar bills in his pocket at all times for those exact opportunities. When Sara Lewis shared her story on a podcast, she didnt think of herself as brave. But when her story went viral, she quickly learned what it meant to be in the spotlight. Forward to that night lying in bed: I was contemplating the existence of mankind (I know; Im not kidding) and I straight up wondered, Why? Was there truly nothing but you, God, and you decided all of THIS was a good idea? If they trust me with something, I hold it close. 21-01-2019. Im just now binging. Curated Podcasts. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. This is a really great podcast that delves into very important issues. Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. It was the most confusing night of my life, but I felt a strange peace and clearly heard in my heart Sunday will be pivotal. I was so emotionally invested in moving forward that I assumed that meant everyone would understand and all would be well. or to justify a divorce to their church. Recommended by us. For those who are in recovery and by some chance are reading this, gosh I hope this stream of raw consciousnesshelps in some way. Its a lighthearted nightmare in here, weirdos! We have felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now. But on September 25th, 2007, that bubble burst with the murder of one of its longtime residents. Well, apparently he could hear me (oops) and he asked who I was talking to in the bathroom. ), and have loved it . I encourage you to find even the smallest, most immediate platform you have to tell your story and use your voice. This makes so much sense to me. He agreed to wait it out a little bit but things were precarious. Shes into Young Living. My current state of wholeness and freedom is a testimony to that. Like Im glad they were supportive since it helped her get out of the relationship but also.. give her some space! Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was. It took an abusive relationship to say fuck what my family thinks. I remember being thoroughly convinced of my incapability, frustrated to the point of tears when my music teachers wouldnt believe my arguments. Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! When we were Voxing in the car and you were with your roommate, I could hear the happiness in your voice. Everything looked guaranteed until they went a different direction. When Sara got engaged she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I never had to obtain the "approval" of my sister -- it's just a lot of input for this poor woman and a lot to satisfy. 10 no. I enjoyed my life and MYSELF when this tall man dressed in a red suit holding a pitchfork showed up at my door and asked if I wanted to lose it and see myself as worthless. I dont believe things have gotten the worst they will get because I dont think the church is quite desperate enough. We were at Blue Bottle in Oakland when he called someone fat out loud well within earshot of that person, and I began scanning the doors for my exit strategy. There is no physical standard for beauty outlined by God. Bravery doesnt require the absence of fear. What will we attempt when we no longer see our lack, but His potential? Jesus did all this so we could be restored to our Father. I have these conversations with my close friends all the TIME about what God is showing us, and what we feel Hes doing but I dont vocalize it on a more public platform because I have a diverse friend group and never want to alienate those who think and feel differently than I do. He just needed to get out. Not on the next repeat, though. And have control issues. Thats whats happening. Season 9 of Something Was Wrong features the story of two survivors, Danielle and Kenji, who were brought together by traumatic life circumstances to solve a shared mystery - who the f*ck is Ardie? Ad-free epis Calabasas is a quiet, well-to-do California town often referred to as The Bubble. But on September 25th, 2007, that bubble burst with the murder of one of its longtime residents. Your preferences, feelings, quirks, looks, secrets, weaknesses, strengths they all matter. He didnt just splash those people; he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their days. Stress is never an excuse for insults and back-handed compliments- those should be followed with a genuine apology. Heres the biggest revelation of many this summer: I am deserving of my dreams, and on top of that, Gods for me are bigger. To a fault, I will assume someone meant the best but simply made a mistake. Hear from survivors Julia, Kelly, and Rachel, as they recount their experiences of abuse in their charismatic, evangelical Christian churches. It was a miraculous instance of God opening the eyes of one of His own whod been deceived into choosing a dangerous situation. Hatred is a powerful word I refuse to carry with me, but last Saturday morning as I was taking screenshots for my story, new disgust churned in my stomach. Add a hefty sprinkle of guilt for feeling that way, since Im fully aware of my safety and blessings in the moment, and you have the tension of right now. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. So, that felt oddly relieving. Or we feel we need someone. As Christians, we are suppose to obey thy father and thy mother but it also says that you leave your mother and father and be with your spouse. All excuses, brain-washing, and influences melted away. Sara and her family don't. May 1, 2021 8:16am Updated In her new book, Amy Chesler recalls the night brother Jesse plunged a knife into their mother's shoulder, leaving her dead in the kitchen. Something felt different. The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. Something Was Wrong started as a way of documenting the experience of Sara, a woman who thought she was marrying the man of her dreams, but as the podcast's title suggests turned out to be incredibly wrong. ), We have felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now. Time together was marked by trying to keep things positive and having some damn fun for once.. Used fake people to pressure a woman to marry him? Now I have on record that as he calmly gazed into my eyes and held my hand across the candlelit table, resolving to love me well while navigating these learning opportunities for me, my churning stomach and racing heart were right. Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. No bruises to show for their huge act of leaving and tearing their family apart. What ensues is a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the SmartLess mind. So how quickly did I choose other things once church was canceled? Dick was definitely an abuser no doubt but it seems like every single guy she dates they have a problem with. linktr.ee/spaceandpurpose Like yeah I want the approval of my family too, but it also isn't going to determine my happiness either. Sara discovers Dick is in a new relationship. The story is told on a podcast called Something Was Wrong. "SmartLess" with Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, & Will Arnett is a podcast that connects and unites people from all walks of life to learn about shared experiences through thoughtful dialogue and organic hilarity. When that light feels like a pinpoint, we have to lean in closer and He is faithful to meet us there. A nice surprise: in each episode of SmartLess, one of the hosts reveals his mystery guest to the other two. It was reckless, cruel, and showed a total disregard for decency. The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. *Content warning: sexual, physical and emotional violence involving children, childhood abuse, sexual abuse of a child, rape, child sex abuse materials, human trafficking, and suicide. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. Most of them are a bit extra IMO, lol. It was just a misunderstanding! With our spiritual buffets closed down, those who know how to fuel themselves from the Word, sending their roots down deep to find the truth in bedrock when it feels elusive are having to actively seek peace in ways we havent had to in a long time. I have a point to make with my past that I will shamelessly vent here now: perhaps we shouldnt devalue the gravity of the Cross by continuing to wallow and call ourselves sinners, though Im no seminary student. All I remember is apologizing just to end the mess, him chuckling at my overreacting while continuing to fold clothes, and our night moving on. Hed lied to his family about my job, inflating my position and giving me a title Ive never had. It made me realize my identity as a woman needed restoration, not correction or managing. John and Staci talked about the world-changing power of feminine beauty, and how it reflects the heart of God in a way masculine strength simply cannot. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . It breaks my heart. Women were not created to be helpmeets, as many in the homeschool community taught us to look so forward to being. When Sara Lewis shared her story on a podcast, she didn't think of herself as "brave." But when her story went viral, she quickly learned what it meant to be in the spotlight. They looked too harsh. I would also have to memorize the entire piece well enough to not freeze and draw a blank in front of crowds. Time slowed down as I heard yelling and watched what felt like a movie scene. I had been slowly and systematically brainwashed over several months to question my reality and believe I was a piece of work, so there was a lot of repair that needed to happen. 00:02:56 - When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. Despite being encouraged in music my entire life and told I was a natural, I believed internal lies that said I was faking it. I had zero idea how Id measure up in any way to the groups of strangers my age who didnt talk like they spent summers reading books or watching black and white movies. Lots of good ones but this is the best! Publishers. Recommended by media. I usually tap my fingers nervously, hoping I dont have to get loud for the truth thats screaming in my head to be heard or to make myself seen in order for what I, We are not going back to normal or anything comfortably livable this time around unless we, . Our creative and faceted personalities. I have plenty of work I can get done. I was devastated and scrambling to recover whatever Id done wrong. He gained access by discovering what mattered to me, big and little things, and making them matter to him. I was told this past week that when were wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. He said, to be honest Im strongly considering heading back home. (It had taken him 3 hours in traffic to get to my house.) Air is huge. Its a beautiful song, but it isnt on my short list of repeated favorites. Join the 10,000+ others who are already getting their weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every Monday morning. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something w . It wasnt until hours later, at dinner (I still remember the really cool Asian restaurant we discovered in Oakland), that he tilted his head like a parent would toward a child and said, When are you going to talk to me about what you saw earlier today? The weirdest conversation proceeded. Although I sort of saw the humor in it (because I was open & trusted where I stood with him), looking back, it made me feel hurt, insecure and confused around how to play along. Its ok, you dont need to make excuses. Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. I kept asking myself, how did we get here?. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. And having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God -Rom 6:22. (I realize not everyone reading this shares my beliefs. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was wrong. So to hear those words from my fiance, the person whose opinion I hold in the highest regard, cut really deep. The other side reveals the most dangerously effective person I can imagine: someone who has realized they have nothing to lose. Still in the first season of it, and was instantly hooked after the first episode. I could dissect it, but for now, at least Ive discerned it. Lol. According to the DSM-5, traits of APD include: I was flippantly told multiple stories from his childhood about rebellion, lying, and getting in trouble with authority. It was take me back to the beginning. I wasnt sure why. Need I share more lies, though? Otherwise it just reveals a lack of character.). He said once or twice that he wanted our house to be an alcohol free home. He would set new rules, but change them when he pleased, often joking about my wine problem.. You in the beginning.. Calabasas is a quiet, well-to-do California town often referred to as "The Bubble.". Conversations Ive had both online and IRL with women whove had similar experiences with narcissistic or sociopathic individuals continue to cement a very simple truth in my mind: There WERE good times with that person that wereprobably really, really damn good. I added much to his life. Just forcing myself to share the good, badand ugly because it does coexist, but all bad, ugly things make Gods goodness shine brighter in contrast. Shatterdaymorn category podcast true crime Plot summary Add synopsis Genres Documentary I think that sums up my most recent thoughts in the recovery process, but I went a tad further and wrote things out on the flight to Nashville last weekend since Im trying to get better at sharing my process and the annual renewal fee for this website just hit my bank account. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. We belong to Him. If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks then look no further. Amazing how long it took for the truth to sink in! Is it time yet? Josh and Chuck have you covered. I encourage her to think more carefully about how she describes the intersection of sex, gender, and abuse, to consider having male stories of abuse, and more LGBT+ stories. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. What do I mean? Its fine, Ill just spend the weekend at home. My countenance fell and everything shifted. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. (I dont know if Im ready to post my thoughts on church leadership that encourages anyone to remain in an abusive marriage. A docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. I froze and watched as he swiftly closed it with a few keystrokes, his face expressionless. Another way to listen early and ad-free is subscribing to Wondery+ in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. Youre loose-lipped! as if it was obvious and went about his business. ! instead of Oh Happy Day or something. Take me back to the beginning every single day. Was recently suggested the podcast Something was Wrong by a good friend, and wow is it GOOD! Just started #SomethingWasWrong season 5, & it's people sharing their experiences from toxic churches/modern Christian cults& more & more I'm feeling led to write a book about my own 5-year journey in what was essentially a cult, how it damaged me, & how I finally broke free. When you decide to publish (or share your story in any public way), what was once personal and private becomes open for discussion. Popular shows today. My brain hurt and I wondered if Id found its capacity when I was informed that it was now time to change the physical look of my hands while they were doing the impossible. He is extremely active on social media, especially Twitter, and he would fly into picking fights and arguments that he would gleefully show me, especially around Christian topics. Clarity kept me focused and I knew what hed said. Solvable is an audiochuck true-crime podcast that seeks to find the answers to unsolved mysteries. As for her parents and how they handled this, I just hope the people speaking on that have a daughter of their own, becuase if not, STFU about it until you do. (Do you feel the spiritual side of it? I consider this website a space to steward a gift Gods given me for His glory, and nothing beyond that. 64.2k Followers, 178 Following, 52 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) It costs relationships. I guess chicks that write have blogs now, so thats me. Claim and edit this page to your liking. Hilariousnow Ive stared at it all summer while my heart has healed in so many ways. Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. Bravery is a choice of action regardless of fear being present. 6h. My eyes focused on a print on my wall that says You are altogether beautiful, my love, and there is no blemish in you, from Song of Solomon. If its a hectic one or has something Im not looking forward to, Ill reach further and look for a break in the clouds to set my sights on, and let that ray of light keep me focused. Coming to a podcast near you that will knock your winter socks off. Me. Suns finally out, am I right?, Me: Oh! With things being different, this means the stage is being set for those who have felt displaced, in waiting or unseen, perhaps with a story or passion but no clear platform for it. His family was placing big burdens on him. Some of my darkest days have been marked by a unique sense of His presence I dont feel other times. Our spirits are what reflect Him. When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I think they have several internal problems as well. Sorry not sorry, youre rigur, Just finished episode 4. Press J to jump to the feed. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Or we tell ourselves its the best well get. Totally. Make it sing! Carry that note with finger 2, not 3! S1 E2: It Was Weird. I've honestly had a fantastic career so far, working alongside brilliant people for the best brands in the world. The actual moment my story from The Year that is No More became available to the world via podcast, I was dripping sweat at the gym while blasting Eminem in my ears. Just ten years after being. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) | Something Was Wrong. I also haven't really been vulnerable to showing my whole self, including family, to the men I date because of this. Discount automatically applied at checkout, Book Review: A Story of Alcoholism, Pain, and Hope after Loss. No Victim Shaming or Victim Blaming. Yikes. YOU matter. I can see why people write the whole thing off, especially after hearing about how I allowed my dog to be treated. Hot, fresh fury colored my entire day in a way I couldnt shake as easily before. The first season deals with a young woman named Sara who was in engaged to a man who she later found out was not who he claimed to be. Or when were fired up and desperate for something, and come running to Him full of big emotions. Some patterns of abuse possibly even before Dick was on the scene. Seriously, DONT. Youre easier to read than you think. Just splash those people ; he completely something was wrong podcast sara picture them and had to have ruined days! Other things once church was canceled it this way. ) like Im glad they were supportive it. Emotionally invested in moving forward that I assumed that meant everyone would and!, you may recognize Sara from season 1 the things this man put her her. Dates they have a feeling she 's had to have ruined their days forward being! Being thoroughly convinced of my incapability, frustrated to the other two wants our fire, our very worst best. 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Loves, their treasured secrets, by celebrating them mystery guest to beginning.
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